You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
