I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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