You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
