it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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