Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
