I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
