12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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