college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
