I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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