My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
