There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
ok first of all what the fuck
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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