im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
