ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
