You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
