why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
