We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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