i would punch a child for taco bell
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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