Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
someone threw a dead crab at me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
