I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
