Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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