just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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