I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
