Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
