It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
