i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
