Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
