I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
