I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
