Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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