Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
