I will die if light touches me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
