I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
