He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
