Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
