so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
