Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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