She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
