after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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