my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Shame - the story of my life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
