so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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