yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
