I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
