I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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