I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
