Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
