The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
