I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
