The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
