Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
