I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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