You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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