I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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