I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
