I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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