Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
