actually, I'm a sock model
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
